Do not loose your relationship once you have kids!

Having two young kids, a young business and a young relationship is no easy task! We had a hard time trying to do everything and maintain a great relationship! It has taken time and effort on both sides but we both love the place we are in now! 

I am not a relationship therapist or any kind of expert at all, in fact I have a lot of learning to do myself. However I think every parent can relate, when you are new parents exhausted from no sleep, warn out from your days and still have all the other stresses of life it can have a strain on your relationship. 

So I thought I would share a few of the simple things that have helped us maintain a happy relationship, hoping maybe it will help! Because this should be a happy and exciting time in your life. You need to be able to lean on your spouse and rely on them for whatever you may need at that time of stress, whether it be a laugh, a cry, someone to listen, someone to hold you or someone to drink with. It’s a time when you need to be stronger than ever! Some days you will feel like those kids kicked your a**! So You need your best friend to help you smile and laugh and comfort you! And you will need to be able to do the same for them.

Again this is not coming from a professional it’s just from my experience so far. 

We have only been married for 4 years but for the majority of our marriage we have had kids, or I was pregnant, which can be just as bad with all those hormones!! So it was a hard adjustment. We were very young so our mindset was still on work and fun not suburbs and kids! In fact that was never the life I saw myself living!

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But when I stopped and thought clearly about it, we were living a great life! We should be happier! It took a lot of long late night talks and effort but it was so worth it!  Now when I think back on it, I can see the things we were doing wrong and how we fixed them.

Every relationship is different so maybe some things will work better for you, but here are the things that helped us.

Steal the time to be alone together

No easy task with kids I know! But if there is a time when both kids are sleeping, rather than always doing some extra cleaning or work, push the pause button and be together! Especially if this is a rare thing, try to forget the mess and the bills and everything else, Even if it is just 30 minutes, steal that time to be together.

Also try to make it something other than a movie or TV show. Try to DO something together,  light some candles, pour some wine, and play some cards, snuggle on the couch, or just sit and talk! Whatever it is you do, spending some quality time together is important!

Also don’t use this time to bring up that thing he did that irritated you or what he can do better, push aside those small things and use this time to build each other up! Laugh, talk about the funny things your kids did or goof around, maybe you like to dance or have a favourite board game or whatever it is have fun together! Doing this at least once a week will be a nice little refresher and brings you closer!

TALK! 

This is SO important! You need to know how the other feels! Neither of you can know what the other is thinking at all times.

On the other hand you don’t need to share EVERY little thought that comes to your mind! I have a problem doing this! I share everything, and it was usually the negative things and not always the positive! Each of you already has their stresses so we should not be reminding each other of our constant imperfections. Saying the things you appreciate, complementing them on something they did or even how they look will help keep your relationship a positive, happy, and loving one!

So here are a few important facts I have learned about talking with each other;

Breathe and think. Don’t say things in the heat of the moment and start yelling.

Pick a good time and talk to them.

When it is their turn to talk, Listen! You might not always like what is being said, but remembering you are not perfect and you are in this together.

Let them say all they need to.

Don’t get angry, they are, hopefully, not attacking you!

Try to act the way you would like them to if you needed to talk!

Take to heart, move on and remember. Do not hold on to those things that frustrated you, accept the apology and continue on! However always be thinking about the points they brought up! Try to make changes for the better.

Always remember it takes time! Don’t expect all the problems you discussed to all go away that night! It will take time and effort and probably more talking.

Be a team! 

When it comes to parenting you both need to be on the same page. Not one parent can always be mean and the other fun! Again it goes back to talking, discuss your views on everything parenting; teaching, discipline, rules, friends, entertainment, and anything that comes up! Be on the same page and share the roles! You need to have each others backs! Some times that may mean compromising, but in the end, make sure you are both comfortable with the decision.

It really is the small things.

Always keep your spouse in mind! It is true that the little things are so important, especially if you are not able to make the grand gestures nearly as much now! Even as small as a note on their coffee mug for when they wake up can make their entire day and remind them of your love!

Never be ashamed of being cute! Maybe it is not always your thing! But telling her how beautiful she is with no makeup on, (especially because she may not always be wearing it,) telling each other how much you appreciate how hard the other works, or buying a small little gift just because you were thinking of them. These little always reminds them of your love!

I am sure you have heard the expression, “keep the flame burning” well once the work of starting a fire is done, it is quite easy to throw a few logs on to keep it burning. Those little things are the logs! Its not a huge effort but it will keep the heat! and yes once in awhile you will need to put more effort in by collecting and cutting the wood, or planning a nice evening and doing something nice but it is all worth the effort to keep that heat!

Remember your relationship is the centre of your family. It is how your family started, what created your kids, and what will keep everything together. You are responsible for shaping those little minds so set a wonderful example and never loose who you were, in 20 years that is all that will be left and you want that to be a happy time! Most importantly though you want now to be a happy time for your kids and you can do that by being happy yourselves. Take care of each other and keep that flame burning!

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Feeling done? Burnt out? Stressed?

I think every mother regardless of her situation one, two, three, four or more children. Single mom, working mom, stay at home mom, every mom feels burnt out at some point!My point was this October!

My dear, hard working husband has been gone a lot this October. He only goes away, or really does anything for himself twice a year, his hunting trip or maybe two, and his family guys golf trip. This year they landed back to back so I have been alone a lot this month. And of course right now both my kids are having a hard time sleeping, making for one tired mom and two tired and cranky kids!

Lucas, my husband, is the one that that keeps me sane, happy and laughing at the end of everyday so without that, without getting some adult conversation everyday and a break from being mom, I have been feeling burnt out.

I decided to share this because I thought because I was a stay at home mom, raising my kids, teaching them, playing with them, taking care of their needs, our needs and taking care of the house IS my job! I never thought I SHOULD feel burnt out. Usually I would not do anything about it, ignore it and brush it off thinking it is nothing. However, this time it involves my kids I was not being the best mom I can be for them. I had less patience, I was not as fun, or happy, causing my kids, especially Emily my toddler to  feed off of it and start acting the same. That is when I knew I had to take care of myself!

I started looking things up, on Pinterest of course! I found two blogs that made a dramatic change for me.

Burnt out Mom – Keeping up when you feel burnt out after having kids…

5 Ways to Avoid ‘Stay at Home Mom Burnout

The first one spoke to me because it was simple! and it is great advice for all moms! There is no magical list of things to do, it is the basics, the simple things, the things really we should all be doing and I was doing before even having kids. Going outside, eating well, exercising, taking time for yourself , all so basic but when you are in parents survival mode you neglect these things thinking there are more important things to get done. But really taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do for your kids, makes you a better mom, the mom your kids need!

The second spoke to me and my situation. I am a stay at home mom. Many may see this as simple, I did before I was one! But I never expected the emotional and physical tole it can have. The  feeling of not actually accomplishing anything in your day or week! You have all day at home but some days you can’t even brush your teeth or hair, let alone tackle that mountain of laundry, wash those disgusting floors or cook an actual meal. You can start to feel isolated and alone. I mean you are with people but you are speaking gibberish all day.

However I have come to really appreciate the life and support I have! It may be a small circle of people and it might be a less exciting life, in the way that  most of my outings consist of play places jungle gyms and other kids activities. And a meal out is early and usually consist of at least one freak out so it is quick and never fancy!

On those days I am having a rough time rather than getting stressed and worked up and possibly isolating myself and holding in all these emotions, I now know what I have to do! I also know that it is normal to feel this way, and taking the simple steps and advice I have gotten from these two blogs helped me to be a happier mom which made my kids happier, and that is the important thing!

In the end we have to remember our kids are truly a blessing! I am so fortunate to have them, and I am never alone! I appreciate having two sets of grandparents around to help us and look after the kids so once in awhile I can go out with my husband to have a nice meal,and wear clean clothes, and carry a clutch! I know not everyone has that!

Some nights when I go to bed the house may be a disaster but tomorrow is a new day and we had a fun day today and my kids went to bed happy!

If you are ever feeling done, alone, stressed, or burnt out! Take a step back and remember the simple things! And don’t work yourself up thinking you need to be the picture perfect mom with the sparkling house, clean and quiet kids and the perfect marriage! It is such a short time in your life! Though the days seem long the years are short and soon you will be alone at home drinking your glass of wine in a clean house it may be just you or your with your husband the house will be quiet and you will be looking back on these hard times wishing you could go back! Because they are the greatest times in your life! So enjoy them and your kids!

Please if you are feeling as I was, read these two blogs and maybe do more research if needed and take the advice and steps to feel better!

Though it is not a project or DIY I see this as another Pinterest success and I hope it works as well for you!

Since the day Zoey was born I have been holding them both in my arms everyday, even though the load is heavy I soak it up knowing it won’t last long! It may not always be smiles but I love knowing they both still need me!

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Bread-er Late Than Never

Lol my dear husband helped me with this title!

I have been married four years now, and I have always wanted to be the wife that makes homemade bread! Now that I am a mom I want my kids to have the memory of the house smelling like fresh baked bread, and the sweet taste of fresh bread hot from the oven with butter on it. However I have never been great at it! I have been trying In a bread maker this whole time and it has never come out right! 

Last night during my Pinterest feeding time I came across this pin and decided to try it out. I was actually so excited about it that as soon as Zooey was done I got my husband to look after the girls for 20 mins while I ran out to the grocery store to get yeast and a cooked chicken so I did not have to cook dinner and I could get started right away!

I am not going to post the recipe because it is not mine but here is the link to the blog I got it from

I am happy to say it was a Pinterest success! Tasted so good! It was so easy and quick! And everyone loved it! Hope you do as well!

Enjoy our messy little journey through this pin!

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The yeast is foaming I did something right!!!

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Someone wanted to do some baking of her own while I was busy

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 Multitasking; my dutch oven warming up and some veggies roasting for dinner.

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Dinner and dishes while I wait

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And we all enjoyed!!!! I hope it turns out as well for you!

Honey I shrunk your sweater!

Ever pulled the laundry out of the dryer and realized your sweet husband who was just trying to help you out with all the laundry accidentally put your favourite knit,  what used to be oversized sweater through the dryer and now it looks like a toddler could wear it, or maybe it just fits tight now, (not what we want in the winter season.) Well a few weeks ago this happened to me and it may seem dramatic but I was devastated! So I decided to listen to some advice I got from Ellen’s #yourwelcomewednesday instagram post.

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I had heard this advice before and never thought it would work, but this time I was desperate! I had just found this sweater! It was the perfect knit and perfect fit! I would do anything to save it, (even use 1 cup of my nice conditioner!!!)

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So it is as simple as the post reads. I took a bowl, you could probably just put it in the sink too, filled it with ice cold water, mixed in 1 cup of conditioner, (I recommend getting a cheaper brand that you don’t mind using for this) and set my sweater in there. The post does not say how long to let it sit but I did it for a few hours and kept checking it to see if it seemed any different, and it worked!!! My beautiful sweater was back to normal! To get rid of the conditioner I put it in the wash on hand wash, light wash, small load setting, laid it out flat to dry, not hang dry because it will loose it shape, and the next day my beautiful sweater was back to normal, and oh so soft I must add!

So from both my husband and I,

THANK YOU Ellen!

The Perfect Capsule Wardrobe!

Have you ever had one of those moments when you are staring in your full closet looking for something to wear and after what seems like forever you start yelling “I have NOTHING to wear!” I know you have! Every woman has! Well I got sick of these moments! So I started doing my research, on Pinterest of course!

Having a toddler and a baby as bosses means I do not have a lot of NEED to look good! And they do not pay much so I have a smaller budget to spend on myself! But all of this does not mean I have any less desire to look good and feel good! I know sweats are easy and comfortable but if you look good it will help you feel good! Moms can be hot too! No need to through yourself away just because you have a new title!

So I needed simple, affordable, flattering clothes! Then I stumbled upon the term capsule wardrobe. Just what I needed!

When I started reading about it I was immediately interested! The idea of a smaller wardrobe full of items I LOVE and that will be easy to put together was exactly what I was looking for! So I read, ALOT! These were my two favourite blogs for information.  This one I loved for the pictures and the advice on how to take one piece of clothing and wear it in so many different ways! This one is where I did all my reading! Lots and lots of reading! Finally I felt confident enough to get started!

How did I do it?????

So first things first! I made my list! I didn’t start by cleaning out my closest because I wanted to have my list so that while I was going through my clothes I would be confident in what I wanted to keep or toss.

Here is my master list!

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How to make your own list.

Do what works best for you! Some suggest sticking to numbers, 4 tops, 4 pants and so on, this did not work for me but maybe it will for you. I went through my pins and found a pattern, the things I was posting the most, for example I had a lot of pins with light washed ripped jeans so they went on the list. Find the things you love the most and that you will wear all the time!! Then search for outfits. I wanted to know more outfits to go with my light wash ripped jeans so I looked it up and found a few ways to wear them. Every Item I put on the list had to be versatile, not only good for one outfit or event.

Spend a lot of time looking at pictures of other peoples capsule wardrobes for ideas. These are just a couple I used.

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Things NOT to put on your list.

Some say accessories and bags but I put these on my list because again having a smaller budget I wanted to be sure of what to get and be sure I can wear them lots! I just made sure to stick to the classics!

Do not put work out clothes, PJ’s, those jeans you use to paint with and so forth on there. This is for your every day wardrobe!

NOW I emptied my closest!

This is the second funnest step for me (after the shopping of course!)  I love organizing and getting rid of things I am not using! But this time was different, I was really hard on myself! I was holding onto a pair of jeans I LOVED 4 years ago hoping I would fit into them again! I finally got rid of them! They DO NOT fit and if they ever did would they be in style still? Probably not!

So I made 3 piles,

1.Toss or donate.  After I made this pile, I went through this again and looked for clothes that were damaged to toss.

2.LOVE.  These were my go to items that were on my list that make me feel good and I love to wear.  They have to be on the list! to steer from your list!

3. Seasonal.  These still must be items you LOVE but it is just the wrong season. Store them for later!

Shopping!!!

Now that you have a much smaller wardrobe you are going to need to go shopping!

Do it slowly and go for quality not quantity! Instead of going on those huge shopping spears, coming home with loads of clothes and then a few months later wearing only one or two of those items, just buy a few items at a time and learn to mix and match your outfits.

I am still working on my shopping but I am taking my time and finding the perfect item, not settling! If I am not 100% over the moon happy about it I do not get it and keep looking to see if there is something better! I am buying more quality things so they last longer and they really do fit and feel and look better! And of course I am always looking for a deal! I love a good sale!

Now you can also have more than one capsule! Maybe you need one for work clothes! That is a great idea! Do what works for you, and remember these 3 main rules for your perfect capsule wardrobe! Making it fit to you is what makes it perfect!

Keep it simple

Quality not Quantity

Less is more!

Hope this helps you in making your perfect capsule wardrobe!

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Bed Time

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Bed time is the most important and talked about part of being a parent. Bed time means, (for me) a chance to clean up without a little monkey running behind me uncleaning everything! A chance to sit with a glass of wine unwind with a good show or spend some much needed time with my husband! But not everyone has that chance because their little ones don’t want to sleep through the night yet.

I know every child is different and every parent is different but this is my advice.It worked for me, both my kids started sleeping through the night starting at 3 months old.

Picture bed time like a sweet sundae you slowly build all day to finally enjoy when those kids are sleeping. You need to start with a base, two scoops of ice cream. The ice cream being activity and routine. If there is one thing you do to help them sleep it should be ROUTINE! Children thrive on a routine! Try to do the same thing every night at the same time, that way they will know what is coming. Our routine takes about 30-45 mins every night starting at either 7:30 or 8 depends on when she had her nap. If she refused to have a nap that day it can some times start at 7. Both our girls participate however our baby doesn’t always go right to bed like our toddler because she needs to nurse and have some quiet time with mom.

Activity is always important but it is great to wear them out! Play with them teach them, keep their mind and bodies active all day! My husband and I find it hilarious how our toddler can run circles around us, laughing, yelling, and screaming without ever being out of breathe or looking tired at all! I know it is so much easier to give them our phones or ipads or sit them in front of the TV to entertain them to get something done but children are easily entertained, give them some play dough or a colourful book or for our toddler just putting music on and letting her dance will entertain her enough to give me at least ten minutes to get something done. (you will find it amazing what you get get done in ten minutes with free hands when you are a parent) And this way you are encouraging brain activity and giving them a brighter future! They are an endless pit of energy let them use it!

This is important for babies too! They are growing so fast and that will wear them out but encourage it a little more for the longer sleeps with activity! They play  different. For newborns just smiling at them and talking to them keeps their minds active. Tickle their tummies feet and hands. As they get older move their legs and their arms show them their toys. To help them develop I looked up some exercise videos to do with our baby. For example at 2 months I searched exercises to do with my 2 month old. Baby centre is always my go to website! Here is an awesome Month by month activity list for our babies.  I also try to keep napping to a minimal. Little babies need LOTS of sleep but the longer they are up the longer they will sleep at a time. And when they do have naps I put them down! Not every time because let’s be honest those snuggles are the sweetest thing ever! But if they are used to sleeping in someones arms every time they will never want to be put down! This may be a bit mean but at times I would even resort to waking them up if they were trying to sleep too close to bed time. Some times there is no waking them up so you leave them but other times they are just soothed and comfy and fall asleep. Those short ten minute naps could push bed time back hours. Now I know it can be so nice when they sleep during the day but the tough stages are a very short time in their life! You will have lots of time to clean your house later. Right now enjoy watching your baby develop and listening to them laugh and seeing them smile those are the greatest joys in life!

So now we have the base, activity and routine. Now we need the extras, the toppings. Here are my top 10 favourite extras we do every night.

1: Put your toys away! Teach them the importance of cleaning up after themselves right away! Even if they can not help having them sit with you while you clean teaches them by your example! Then as they get older they will want to help and be involved, encourage it!

2: Bath  Always a fun time! I do not wash them with soap every night for the same reason I do not wash my hair every day. Their natural oils are good for them. But they are both teething so wiping away the drool that collects in their necks is always nice. I do put a few drops of lavender oil in the water every night and lots of toys to let them play. Splash laugh and have a great time! Once a week we do a bubble bath. We do not do it every time because I have two girls I do not want them to get bladder infections. I also use Honest’s bubble bath to help prevent that. They are my go to company because ALL their products are natural and safe for my kids!

3: Fresh diapers a rub down with my homemade bedtime body oil and fresh PJ’s. My girls love this step! They get some tickles and laughs and then we relax with a little massage with my two step body oil. So simple!  You take a couple cups of coconut oil put it in a bowl add about 30 drops of lavender essential oils whip it together with a hand mixer, put in a jar and enjoy! I rub it on their hands and massage them a little same with their feet. Then we put on some fresh cozy PJ’s and off to get their bottle.

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4: Warm bottle of milk. My husband and her love to get her bottle together. She loves it so much because he lets her do most of it, opening the fridge, grabbing the milk, opening the milk, helping her pour it, pushing the buttons to warm it, putting the milk away and closing the fridge. She feels involved and something so simple to us is a blast for her!

5: Hugs and kisses and I love you! I used to give her her bottle while rocking her in her rocking chair but now she feels independent and likes us to give it to her in her bed and leave. (it was a sad day for me when this started, I loved that time with her but it was something she did on her own.) So now we all go to her room get her all cozied in bed, say a prayer and then she gives everyone, including her baby sister, a hug and a kiss says bye bye and I love you and it is lights out.

A few more. It wasn’t always so easy. We used to do a few more things before bed. Here are a few extras to do with them:

6: Read them a few books.

7: Play soft music in the background. You can do this the whole time starting from in the bath until they are asleep. Our toddler loved piano music! It would be the only thing that worked at times!

8: Sing them a song.

9: Rock them gently. Do not be against this it can be tiring at times but that is what they are used to in your belly it calms them and the calmer they are the more likely they are to sleep. and enjoy knowing that you holding them and hearing your heat beat is the one thing in the world they need. It is such a short time they want that and when it is over you will miss it, feeling needed and wanted like that!

10: Shushing.

and finally the cherry on top, they are sleeping! Go enjoy your “me time!”

I do not guarantee these WILL work but they just might help! Test them our for yourself! Or do some more research maybe there are other things that will help your little one! Hopefully they will be sleeping more during the night giving you some extra sleep!

Goodnight!

Hello!

I am a young mom of two girls and this is my story.  We were married a year and half happy and crazy! We may not have planned either of my pregnancies but our beautiful girls are the best thing that happened to us! I have a lot in common with my grandmother. She had six children. One of the things she used to say is; “dad hangs up his pants and I am pregnant again!” well that is how I feel! We were trying (mind you not perfectly) to prevent having children right away and now I am 23 years old, married 4 years with a two year old and a six month old!

I am a stay at home mom. I am no bored housewife! My days are loud, they’re busy, funny, sometimes frustrating but they are NEVER boring!  So I started this blog to share some of those days and how to survive them and do it with a smile for your kids! I also LOVE DIY projects. I call myself a bit of a hippy, if I do not make it myself I buy organic! I also love my home! I spend so much time in it I like to make it a happy place for me and the girls to be in and a cozy relaxing place for my busy husband to come home to. We have done all the reno’s our selves and I am always working on something new. So I will be sharing the crazy journey our house has gone on and how we did it! Now I am not a writer I am not an interior designer, and I am not a carpenter so everything I do is not perfect! But I love what I do. So please do not bring me down with negative comments this is just something fun for me! I may not post every day but I am on instagram and twitter where I post pictures of our little family and all of my projects! Please follow along @ pinspiredchan

I hope you enjoy! Talk to you soon!

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